Alcohol Burns
by OfficialFlannel
Summary: [Demoman x Pyro] Pyro's identity is a complete mystery to their teammates and the pyromaniac is happy to keep it that way. But then Demoman, in a drunken stupor, accidentally stumbled upon the unmasked Pyro in their room, thinking it was his room. Now with limited options, Pyro thinks of the only way to shut up Demo before he starts bellowing from what he saw. They kiss him.
1. Daily Routine

Everyone's got a daily routine when they wake up in the morning. For some people, it's working out. For others, it's sleeping in just an extra couple of minutes.

For Pyro, it was burning things.

So when Pyro awoke to their alarm going off, they went straight to their desk in the corner of their small room, grabbing their lighter and a piece of paper. They then lit the paper aflame and watch the paper slowly turn dark and crumble to ashes, a happy smile on their face. After grabbing their gear and slipping on their gas mask, Pyro went down to the kitchen to see what was cooking for breakfast.

The rest of the team was awake and seemed to have the same idea as their fire-loving teammate and were all sitting around the large table, awaiting Engie to finish cooking up this morning's grub. Pyro sat next to a somehow wide awake Scout as he chatted on and on to Sniper about baseball, the older man didn't seem very interested as he just nodded, eyes threatening to shut.

"And then my team managed to hit three home runs in a row. We won almost sixteen to three, it was freakin' amazing!"

"Uh, huh. Wow, mate. That's. . .wow", mumbled a tired Sniper.

"Yeah, and you wouldn't-"

Before he could continue his story, Scout was interrupted by Engineer walking over to the table, two plates piled high with pancakes in his hands. Everyone shut up quickly and stared at the glorious food. Engie set the food down on the table and smiled at his hungry friends.

"Well? What are ya'll waiting for? Dig in!"

No one needed to be told twice as the men grabbed forks and started to get their share of the pancakes. Pyro waited until they saw an opening and took a stab at one of the flapjacks with their fork, only for another fork to stab down next to theirs. The fork in question belonged to the Demoman, Tavish.

Demo smiled at Pyro, before removing his fork, "Sorry, lad. Didn't realize you wanted that one. Go ahead."

Pyro nodded their thanks and took the pancake, setting it down on their plate. They poured syrup and slathered it with butter before getting up and leaving the kitchen. This didn't confuse or bother anyone as they all knew Pyro didn't like to eat in front of the other mercenaries as it meant they had to remove their mask.

What was under Pyro's mask was one of the biggest mysteries in the RED Base and no one knew who or what was behind the arsonist's mask. But little did anyone know was that Pyro's biggest secret was about to be solved.

All it would take was a little bit too much to drink and the wrong room.


	2. Dude, Where's My Room?

There was a pretty big reason everyone in the base liked Demoman.

That reason was how he acted when he was completely wasted. His love for anything and everything alcoholic made him a fun person to be around. The man drank more alcohol in one sitting than any of the other mercs combined. When Tavish was drunk, he would be the happy kind of drunk, laughing loudly and hugging his friends and telling them he loved them.

But even though he was a friendly person when he was intoxicated, he would never back down during a drinking game. No matter who tried no one could best Demo in drinking. Not even Heavy. So it was nearly laughable to the men when _**Scout**_ of all people challenged Demo to a drinking contest later during the day.

 _ **X X X**_

The team was enjoying their evening free time lounging around the base's recreation room. Most of them were either playing cards, arm wrestling, or napping. Demo had occupied himself with watching the small black-and-white T.V. they had when he was suddenly joined by Pyro. He smiled at the newcomer.

"Ey, Pyro! How ya. . ya doing, mate?"

It was obvious that Demo had already been drinking, which was unsurprising. He was slurring his words and had a drunken smile on his face. Pyro had a notepad the used for communicating with their teammates and scribbled down some words.

 _"I'm good, Tavish. How are you?"_

"I'm bloody fantastic!," Demo roared, the smile never leaving his face, "It's only nine o' clock and I'm already completely drunk."

Demo then let out a laugh seeing how he caused the firebug to jump in surprise when he yelled. He was then joined by another person: It was Scout, who had a confident smile on his face.

"Hey, Demo."

"Oh, Scout! Whaddya need?"

"I'm here to challenge you, my Scottish friend, to a _**drinking contest!**_ "

Scout yelled out the last part of his sentence, causing the other mercs to hear him and get interested. It was always a fun time to watch Demo drink one of them under the table and they all surrounded and looked at Demo expectedly, knowing he wouldn't back down.

Demo eyed his friends with an amused expression before looking back at Scout, "Aye, lad? You sure you wanna do this?"

Scout remained overly confident as he grinned, "Hell yea, I do!"

Demo chuckled, "Okay, lad. Let's drink."

 _ **X X X**_

The drinking contest was set in the base's kitchen. Demo and Scout sat across from each other on opposite ends of the table, a dozen pints of beer in front of them. Everyone else surrounded the two men, all eagerly watching as Medic threw up his hand, waited a few seconds and slammed his hand down.

"Drink!"

Demo immediately downed one of the pints before Medic even finished saying drink. Scout tried to get through his first one even as Demo already finished up two more in the time it took the young Bostonian to finish his first pint. The rest of the match went by quickly, with Demo finishing all twelve pints and Scout barely finishing four. Everyone cheered and laughed as Demo stood up, the victor like always. Scout's face was flushed from the alcohol but gave his friend a sheepish smile.

"Damn, Demo. You sure know how to drink."

"O' course I do! And don't you forget it you pit sized mutt!", Demo gave him a smile, signifying he was only joking and Scout nodded in understanding.

Everyone soon left after the contest as it was getting late and they had a couple matches tomorrow, so they all quickly went to their rooms to get some rest. Demo was the only one left and he rose woozily from his seat and burped a bit before heading down the hall and towards his room.

Although when you are completely wasted with only one eye in your head, it's sorta hard to find your way around places. Demo soon found this out when he went down the wrong hallway and had to turn around. After some more drunken stumbling, he was able to find his room. He opened the door to his room and stepped in, confused instantly.

Why was his room a different color? Did someone paint it? And why was there a person Demoman didn't recognize in what he thought was his room?

It took his drunken brain a while to register that this _**wasn't**_ his room. And he laughed softly to himself before he stopped and stared at the person, who was staring at Demo with a shocked expression. It clicked in his brain as to who this person was pretty quick,

It was Pyro. And they were unmasked.

Demo's own eye went wide as he muttered, "Pyro? You. . .your face."

Pyro could tell Demo was getting close to shouting or laughing or doing something equally loud that would be sure to wake up anyone and everyone in the base, so in their panic, Pyro did the only thing they could think of to quiet the man in time.

They kissed him.

Pyro could taste the alcohol in Demo's mouth as they pressed their lips into his and held him there to prevent him from shouting out. Then the worst thing happened when they heard a voice in the doorway of Pyro's room.

"Am I interrupting something?"

Pyro quickly broke apart from Demo, turning around to hide their face and find their gas mask. Demo stared at the new intruder Medic and smiled.

"Medic! You weren't. We were just. . ."

"Kissing. I saw. Although I couldn't see ze Pyro's face. It's a wonder you'd be the one to see their face. How long has it been anyway?"

"How long has what been?"

Demo looked confused as Pyro turned back around, identity now concealed by their mask. Medic smiled to Pyro and Demo, before speaking again.

"How long have you two been in a relationship?"

"Ey? We aren't-"

Demo was suddenly interrupted by Pyro's elbow in his ribs and he quickly changed his tune, coughing a bit before he talked.

"Oh! We've been together for. . .eh quiet a bit now."

"Well, I'm happy for you. I'll leave you two lovebirds alone now."

Medic then left Pyro's room, leaving the other two mercs to both think the same thing.

 _"What the hell just happened?"_


	3. The Weird Weekly

It was sort of a good thing Demo was still half drunk after Medic left and Pyro stripped off their mask. Because he might have just yelled again, louder this time as Demo then got a good look at Pyro when they turned to look at him. Pyro's head was shaved, a short ginger buzz cut and they were pretty pale. They had a boyishly cute face, but with big pouting lips and shining blue eyes. Demo was very confused as he muttered, alcohol clouding his thoughts.

"Pyro, ya look like a woman, but like a man too. Bloody confusing me with you. . .you're pretty. . ."

Demo's drunken mumbling was cut short as he toppled over backward and passed out on the floor, snoring loudly. Pyro smiled slightly and tried to wake the Scottish man up, but to no avail as he snored on, out for the night. They sighed and muttered to themselves before just giving up and going to their bed to sleep away this night's insanity that was somehow only the beginning to something even more insane.

 _ **X X X**_

Demo woke up like he usually did every morning. Sore and hungover. But somehow it was worse this morning as he opens his eye and stares at the ceiling of a room he didn't recognize. Jeez, what happened last night? And where was he?

Demo sat up groggily and looked around his unfamiliar surroundings, his eye landing on the unmasked Pyro, sleeping soundly away their bed, and everything from last night came back like a cold bucket of water being poured over him.

Finding Pyro maskless. Them kissing him only to for Medic to catch the pair and him having to lie about a relationship.

But why? Maybe Pyro had answers.

Demo got from up hard concrete ground, his joints aching from the rough sleep, as he stretched and walked over quietly to Pyro's bedside. He nudged Pyro a bit rougher than he meant to, causing the firebug to wake with a startled soft yelp. Pyro looked at the person who interrupted their sleep and looked Demo right in the eye, their own eyes widening slightly and a blush creeping across their cheeks as they muttered,

"Morning Tavish."

"Pyro, what is bloody going on?"

"I don't know what you are talking about, Demo."

"I'm talking about last night. The kiss and everything."

Pyro sighed, realizing Demo wasn't stupid and wasn't gonna give this up, "Fine, I had to do that cause I couldn't let anyone come in and see me unmasked from you yelling or something."

"Why won't you let people see what you look like? You're bloody beautiful."

Pyro smiled again as this was the second time Demo complimented their looks, "I just don't think people are ready for my face yet. After all, not everyone is exactly the most trusting here."

"You can trust me."

Demo smiled and Pyro was about to say something more when a voice over the intercoms interrupted their conversation.

It was the Engineer, his Texan accent was recognizable even over the static of the intercom system, "All RED mercs, Ya'll need to meet in the main hall for the weekly meeting."

Pyro got out of their bed and grabbed their mask, saying one more thing before slipping it back on.

"Let's go, _my love._ "

 _ **X X X**_

The weekly meetings were usually an annoyance for most of the RED men as they figured they could do something better with their free time, but at least they got a Ceasefire Day because of it and the meetings only lasted a few hours out of the day, which left the rest of the day to let them do whatever they actually wanted to do.

Everyone had gathered in the main hall and were sitting around a large wooden round table that the mercs mostly used for poker tournaments. Engie was in the center of the nine men as he talked to his friends.

"Alright, everyone here? Good, we can get started. First things, first: our recent matches. We are doing better than normal, but don't get cocky, fellas. These BLUs are a sneaky bunch a' bastards, so keep your guard up for the next time."

Just then Soldier who was a normal, yet usually loud and rude, voice in the meetings yelled out, "We won't lose. We are true Americans and we are the winners, not them!"

There was a lot of things wrong with Soldier's statement, one being that only three of the RED member were actually from the United States and the other being that they normally were 50/50 with winning against the BLU team. No one brought either of these facts up as any comments would most likely be answered with a slap to the back of the head and more shouting from the crazed patriot.

"Thank you for your input, Soldier. Anyway, on to the next matter of business. Our annual Smissmas party is happening soon and I will be giving everyone a random person to give a gift to this year, kinda like a Secret Santa."

Everyone muttered amongst themselves, wondering which friend they would get and who would get them. After the general buzz of excitement died down, Engie continued talking.

"And another thing that was recently brought to my attention just this mornin'. Is that we have a couple of friends here who are _**more**_ than friends as of late."

Both Demo and Pyro looked at each other, worry written on their faces. He wasn't be talking about them, right? He _**couldn't**_ be. But their hopes were dashed as Engie turned to them, a smile on his face.

"It seems that our resident firebug has won over the heart of everyone's favorite drinking buddy."

Demo and Pyro felt every single eye was on them as people shouted out in surprise or cursed or said "What?". At least everyone seemed happy and congratulated the "couple" on their newly found love. Then after that excitement passed, Engie looked down at his clipboard before announcing that the meeting was over. Everyone was pleased to be done with this meeting and soon left to do their own activities.

Pyro left along with everyone else probably going back to their room to burn stuff or whatever it was RED's arson-loving mute did, and Demo was about to leave too when he was stopped by a hand on his shoulder. He turned and saw the hand belonged to Engineer, who looks a little less than pleased to see him.

"Aye, Dell? Whaddya want?"

"We need to talk, Demo. In private."

"About what?"

"About your little firebug over there."

Demo looked slightly confused, narrowing his eye at the Texan, "You got a problem, Engie?"

Something dangerous flashed in Engie's eyes, but it faded too quick for Demo to see. "No, no problem. Just . .just treat them right. Or you have to answer to me."

Engie then gave the man a pat on the back before leaving Demo alone in the main hall. He muttered to himself as he walked down the hallway, hopefully towards a room that was his this time.

"What ya got yourself into this time, Tavish?"


	4. Locks Of The Scottish

"Ack! You'd better watch those shears 'fore they end up in ya kidneys!"

"Oh, hush. You'd never do that."

Demo was getting a haircut from Pyro. How this all happened was real simple: Demo didn't have his hat on and Pyro saw his hair.

Well. That's the end of this chapter! Bye!

. . .

You're still here?

Oh, you want an explanation. Maybe a good few paragraphs or something explaining what happened to lead to all this?

Fine, but only cause you asked nicely!

 _ **X X X**_

It was a few hours after the meeting and Demo decided against going back to his room, feeling like he needed a shower. So he went to the base's locker-room, where the team's weapons and extra uniforms were kept in their respective lockers, to use the shower room. When he saw the place was empty so he grabbed some towels from the closet and clothes from his own locker, before stripping out of his old clothing and taking a long and hot shower.

After getting out of the shower and wrapping his waist in a towel, Demo grabbed his clothes to go change in his room when he found someone else as he was leaving the locker-room and stepping out into the hallway, it was Pyro. Unmasked once again and very obviously checking out Demo, who despite his heavy drinking, was still rather muscular and didn't have a beer belly like most alcoholics. Demo cleared his throat, able to tear Pyro's gaze away from his naked chest.

"O-Oh. Sorry, Tavish. I was just coming to see you, but I checked your room and didn't see you there."

"I needed a shower. Helps with the hangovers, I found out."

Demo then nudged past Pyro and walked down the hallway, up the stairs and made it to his room where he quickly changed into a red shirt and a pair of black jeans. Pyro walked in after he was decent and sat on his bed, staring the man yet again. He noticed again and eyed them with an amused expression.

"Pyro, you've been staring at me an awful lot. Something wrong with me? Do I got something in ma teeth?"

Pyro blushed slightly, mentally criticizing themselves for their staring before speaking out loud to Demo, "No, it's just. . .your hair."

Demo raised a hand up to his hair, a confused look on his face. True be told, he never liked his hair much. He felt it was too curly and thick for a man, so he would always wear his beanie to hide it.

"What 'bout it?"

"It's really curly and. . .nice."

"Nice? Well, not the word I woulda used, but thank you."

"Do you think. . .do you think I could cut it."

"Cut it?"

"Yea, well it looks kinda long and I think a haircut would do you some good," said Pyro, turning red again which caused Demo to smile. Pyro was really cute when they were embarrassed.

Wait, what?

Did he really just think that? Pyro and he were just friends, even more, they were rather distant friends who were lying to their other friends in order to keep Pyro's identity a secret. Demo certainly didn't have any feelings for the mute arsonist. No feelings, no sir.

"You really wanna cut ma hair? You don't seem to be the best person to be judging someone else's hair, ya know?"

Pyro smiled, running a hand over their own shaved head and chuckled, "Fair enough. But c'mon. Don't you trust me?"

 _ **X X X**_

Demo wish he didn't cause now he was basically strapped to a chair, a towel around his neck with Pyro holding a pair of scissors a bit too close to his only remaining eye as they snipped away some hair here and there. Then they nearly clipped his ear, startling the Scottish man.

"Ack! You'd better watch those shears 'fore they end up in ya kidneys!"

Pyro patted his head and tutted in disapproval, "Oh, hush. You'd never do that."

"Try me."

"Shh. . .you'll be fine. Trust me."

"Every time you say that, the less I do."

Pyro feigned hurt and put a hand to their heart, "Oh, how mean of you to say!", before laughing at themselves, "You know you love me."

Demo smiled slightly, "According to what everyone else thinks, I guess I do."

Pyro finished the haircut and Demo had to admit, it looked a whole lot better than it did before. He ran a hand through his curly locks and gave Pyro a smile.

"It's bloody wonderful. I feel like a new man."

Pyro clapped in happiness and hugged Demo, nearly squeezing the air out of the man's lungs, but luckily Demo had a strong set of lungs so he wasn't affected as much as Pyro arm's squeezed his body. He hugged them back, just as tight and they stay there for a moment, both seemingly trying to suffocate each other. Pyro was a bit shorter than Demo, so they had to look up at him as they spoke.

"Tavish, why do you drink?"

Demo was taken aback by this surprising question and looked down at Pyro, in confusion and surprise. "Aye? Why do ye wanna know?"

"I'm just curious. I wanna know, what's the reason?"

Demo's smile fell away and he broke apart the embrace, avoiding their gaze. "No reason important enough to tell."

"Hey. Look at me. You can trust me."

"You always say that. But can I?"

"Of course,"

Demo sighed and sat down on the hard and cold concrete floor, Pyro joining him as he looked his bare feet. Then said something that made Pyro's heart break in two.

"A man can only see his friends being blown away, burned, and shot dead for so long. . .

. . .before it starts to leave some scars ya can't see."


	5. I'm Not As Think As You Drunk I Am

"But what about respawning? We always come back after we die."

"Bringing them back doesn't make any the memories of them dying any less painful. It only makes it worse, knowing I failed them and now they gotta live with it, same as me."

Pyro let Demo's somber words sink in and then sighed, "You haven't failed anyone, Tavish. No one blames you for their deaths, not a single soul here."

Demo suddenly raised a hand to Pyro and started to absentmindedly caress Pyro's cheek, "I wish I believed that."

Pyro turned red slightly and stuttered out, "It's true, T-Tavish."

Demo let his hand fall uselessly to the ground, before getting up and walking over to his bedside nightstand. On the table was a couple notes and a couple bottle of scrumpy, Demo's favorite alcohol. He grabbed one of the bottles and drank deeply before slamming it back down on the table. Pyro was next to him now and looked at him, as he turned around to face them.

"You gonna be okay."

A few more drinks. . .", Demo nodded, before taking another swig of his drink, ". . .and I'll be right as rain."

"Can I try some?"

Demo nearly choked on his beer as he stared at his fire-loving friend, "You want some?!"

"I said I did, didn't I?"

"Aye, ya did. Here."

Demo handed Pyro the other bottle and they took a sip. The alcohol burned their throat and they coughed a couple times before trying a few more drinks, which went down smoother with each sip. Pyro hiccup a bit and laughed, before drinking more.

Things only got weirder the more they drank.

 _ **X X X**_

"And then . . .Ha! And then I burned this huge hole in my bed. I didn't know a lit lighter would fall out of my hand and catch my blanket on fire. Good thing I woke up!"

Pyro and Demo were completely wasted, laughing their heads off as they told stories of the dumbest, weirdest, or just plain strange things they did in the past. Pyro appeared drunker than Demo, due to their inexperience with drinking and they couldn't be happier as they held up each other to keep from toppling over.

"You are a bloody crazy person, Pyro! Bloody crazy!"

Demo laughed loudly, nearly falling over before steadying himself. Pyro was so drunk that the bottle they were holding slipped from the grasp and crashed to the ground, shattering on impact and sending glass and beer all over the ground. The two friends stopped laughing and stared at the mess on the floor, then back up at each other.

Demo nodded to the ground, completely stoned face. "I think it's broken."

"Me too."

Then they burst into more laughter, louder than before and the two sat down on Demo's bed and continued laughing until their eyes were watering and their sides hurt. They were completely drunk. On both alcohol and happiness. Pyro looked towards Demo, studying his face. He caught them looking and eyed them with a confused glance.

"There ya go again. Looking at ma face."

Pyro hiccupped again before answering, "It's a really nice face, Tavish."

"Your face is-" Demo let out a burp before continuing, "-Really pretty, lass. You got a nicer face than this old drunk."

Pyro smiled drunkenly, "Tavish. I wanna kiss you again."

"Huh? I thought you only kissed me before cause you didn't want people seeing ya face."

Pyro shrugged, "I did, but now I wanna do cause I'm drunk and in love with you."

Demo's eye went wide in shock, sure they both may have been completely wasted and out of their senses, but Pyro said they _**loved**_ him, no. They were in _**love with him**_. Demo shook his head and turned away.

"I don't think that's right."

Pyro grabbed Demo's face and tried to turn him back towards them, "I don't care. Kiss me. Please."

Demo looked at Pyro's face, into their blue eyes and he instantly knew he wanted to kiss them. He needed to.

So he did.

Both mercs were overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions, both tasting the bitter yet sweet taste of beer in each other's mouth as their drunken kissing continued. Pyro ran their hands through Demo's freshly cut hair and gripped his locks tight as both struggled to breathe. Finally, after a while, Demo unlatched his lips from Pyro and they were both red-faced and breathing hard. Pyro then laughed a little, confusing Demo.

"What are ya laughing about, lad?"

"We are so drunk and I love it."

Then Pyro fell over, snoring a little louder than usual as they slept. Demo blinked a couple times before shrugging and laying next to them. He wrapped his arm around them and Pyro buried their head into Demo's chest. He smiled and closed his eyes, drifting into a dreamless sleep.


	6. An Orange A Day Keeps The Hangover Away

Pyro woke up, feeling like they had gotten hit by a bus. Then the bus backed up and ran them over a few more times. They groaned softly, rubbing their temple to try and alleviate the throbbing pain. When they opened their eyes, the dimly lit bedroom seemed like it was being bathed in pure sunlight as they were blinded by it.

Pyro was hungover. Very badly hungover.

Their soft groans woke up Demo who appeared hungover too, but not as severe as his friend. He smiled, seeming to be amused by his friend's suffering. Pyro turned their head towards Demo, but didn't open their eyes.

"Never let me drink again."

"Ack, a few more nights like last night and you'll be fine!"

Pyro groaned again and buried their head in a pillow, "No more."

Demo chuckled and got out of the bed, "C'mon, I know the perfect cure for a first hangover."

Though Pyro's face was hidden, they could feel their face heat up as they turned red slightly, remembering how Demo said a shower helped in curing a hangover. Surely he wouldn't have them take a shower with him. But Demo seemed to sense Pyro's embarrassment and grinned again.

"Ah, don't worry. We aren't taking any showers. At least, not together."

Pyro pulled their head from the pillow and smiled sheepishly, "I wasn't even thinking about that.

"Aye, course not," Demo smirked, before pulling the arsonist out of bed and dragging them down the hall.

It was early in the morning and no one else was awake, so the base was quiet for once as the two trudged barefoot down the hallway. Pyro had their mask in hand, just in case someone else was up and around at this time, which seemed unlikely.

They made it to the base's kitchen without bumping into someone and there Demo went to the fridge while Pyro sat at the normally filled table. Demo rummaged through the fridge before finding what he was looking for and produced a jug of orange juice and a carton of coconut water. Demo set them on the table and went to grab a glass. Then he poured orange juice into the cup, then mixed in the coconut water, turning the liquid from bright orange to a pale yellow. Pyro looked at him, raising an eyebrow in confusion.

"This helps with hangovers?"

"Aye, and it's not half bad either."

Pyro was reluctant to drink the weird mix, but then their head pounded slightly, reminding them of a headache they were having and decided to drink up. They took a single quick sip and surprisingly didn't gag. It tasted okay, like a watered down fruit punch with only two fruits. They quickly downed the entire glass and set it back down on the table. They didn't feel any different though and pouted slightly.

"My head still feels like a train ran over it, Tavish."

Demo let out a hearty laughed and pat his friend on the shoulder, "It'll take a while to kick in, mate."

Pyro groaned and laid their head on the table, shutting their eyes tight.

"I'm never drinking again. Ever."


	7. Sugar, Spice, And Jarate?

Weeks went by, matches were won and lost, and Pyro and Demo's relationship grew stronger. And although it was the middle of December, everyone was surprised when they woke up one morning to find snow covering the usually barren ground outside their base. Everyone was excited as for once they were going to have a white Smissmas, which was rare due to living in a remote part of the normally warm-climate Australia. Anyway, everyone was excited about this winter being white for once.

Everyone except for Pyro.

They hated winter and the cold mainly due to the fact they couldn't light any fires outside and the chilly weather always gave them a cold or some type of illness. So while everyone was outside enjoying winter's first snowfall, the firebug was huddled up in the base's rec room, watching an old movie and wrapped in a blanket. They were joined by someone about an hour into the movie and they turned to see who it was, almost smacking their gas-mask covered face into the smiling face of the Demoman. His nose, cheeks, and ears were colored a light shade of red, meaning either he was cold from being outside or drunk again. Hell, it was probably both.

"Aye, Pyro! Why are ya holed up in here when ya could be outside enjoying this lovely winter weather?!"

Pyro looked around and, seeing no one else was in the room, lifted up their mask to speak to him. "Because I _**hate**_ winter."

Demo looked surprised and laughed out loud, "You can't hate winter. It's one of the best times of the bloody year!"

Pyro shook their head, "Not for me. I always get sick and burning things outdoors is near impossible if it's snowing hard enough."

Demo put his arm over Pyro's shoulder and was about to say something when a newcomer entered the rec room. Pyro quickly pulled their mask back down over the face and they turned to see that was just Engineer who entered the room, dressed in a hooded sweater over his normal overalls. Engie sat down next to Pyro and gave them a smile.

"Hey there, Pyro. Demo. What ya'll doing?"

"Just watchin' a movie, Dell."

"Oh, I've seen this one! It's a classic!"

Demo nodded but didn't respond so Engie decided to continue to talk to him.

"Anyway, Demo. I've been meaning to talk to ya."

"What 'bout?"

"About this year's Secret Santa. I figured out everyone's gift."

"Aye, nice. Tell me again why you aren't getting someone to give you a gift?"

"Cause we got nine men here. That's not even, but eight people are. Besides, I don't really need any gifts from ya'll. I got enough things as it is."

Demo nodded, "Aye, fair enough."

Dell smiled and chuckled, "Guess who you got?"

"Who?"

"You got Sniper, pardner."

"Sniper? But I'm never around the guy. He lives in his van and makes bloody necklaces out of fingernails!"

"Now, Demo. Be a bit nicer. Coulda given ya Heavy."

No one liked getting Heavy as Secret Santa because he would always make fun of the gifts he was given. Except whenever Medic was the person to give him a gift. He would always happily accept the German man's present and nearly crush his ribs in a bear hug. So the news of getting the psycho New Zealan-, I mean Australian man was a welcoming surprise. But now Demo had one question on his mind.

Just what in the hell would he give Sniper that wouldn't make him wake up missing his _**other**_ eye?


	8. The Gift That Keeps On Killing

"You've gotta be kidding me. Seriously?"

"Does it look like I'm joking, lad?"

"Eh, it's not that bad. I got Scout."

Demo told Pyro the news of him getting Sniper as Secret Santa. Pyro laughed a little before seeing that Demo wasn't joining in on it and realized he wasn't joking. Now the two were back in the safe privacy of Pyro's room and wondering just what the hell to get Sniper and Scout for Smissmas. Pyro thought maybe a new gun or something for his van for Sniper. And what would Scout even want? Something to do with baseball or maybe a case of energy drinks.

And where were they even going to be able to find these things in the remote part of Australia they called home?

Simple answer. Road trip/shopping trip!

Since Smissmas was coming up they weren't having a whole lotta battles lately, so this was the perfect time to go somewhere and find gifts for Sniper and Scout. So Demo decided to borrow the RED's bread van and the two mercs drove to downtown Teufort. Despite the town being full of lead-poisoned morons, they had a pretty good shopping center and several other places of interest in the small town. Both Pyro and Demo changed in civilian clothes, out of their RED uniforms as they would be recognized and possibly attacked by angry townsfolk who knew who they were and what they did.

They parked the van outside of the large shopping center and they entered one of the small gift shops, looking around the several display racks which held random items like a couple hats, a severed monkey head in a jar, and even a pair of what looked like slightly used boxer shorts.

Demo's eye scanned the other racks until he found something that would be perfect for Sniper. At least, something he thought would be perfect. It was an old-fashioned hunting knife. The blade was a couple inches longs and the handle was made out of wood with leather straps for a more secure grip. Sniper would love it. Demo grabbed it and meet Pyro at the cashier's counter, where they were standing there, holding a baseball signed by. . .Tom Jones?

"Aye, I thought that Tom Jones was a singer, not a baseball player?"

"He is, but I guess he signed this ball or maybe it's just a forged signature. Don't care. Scout will love it either way."

After buying the gifts, the two mercs left the store and heading back to the van when Demo saw something of interest. The town bar was open and serving half-priced drinks. He knew he couldn't spend any more money though, so he had to bury his obsessive love for alcohol and continued to walk towards the van. They made it back to the base by dinnertime and quickly went to their own rooms to change and wash up for dinner.

Tonight's meal was prepared by Heavy who, despite seeming to not be the brightest tool in the drawer, was a master of making delicious and authentic Russian meals. Tonight's special was Khychin, a Russian flatbread filled with different cheeses and potatoes. The smell that was coming from the kitchen was heavenly and everyone's stomach were grumbling in anticipation of the food. They all gathered around the table and eagerly awaited Heavy to bring the food. The large Russian came lumbering into the dining area, several plates covering his arms as he balanced them on his massive tree-trunk arms. Heavy didn't smile at his friends or say anything as he put the food in front of them. He took his place soon after and they all started to ravish devour the hot food.

As with every night, Pyro grabbed their plate and went to their room to eat. However, unlike every night, they were joined by a guest: Demo. He had his plate in his hands as he followed the gimp-suit wearing mute down the hallway. When they were a good distance away from the loud and bustling dining area, Pyro turned around, lifting up their mask and spoke to the Scottish man.

"Tavish, why are you following me?"

"You always eat alone, so I figure I'd join ya. That a problem?"

"Of course not."

"But hey, at least this time I'm here, I'm not drunk.", Demo smirked slightly and nodded before opening the door to Pyro's room. He turned and smiled again, "Well, not _**that**_ drunk."


	9. Wishing You A Killer Smissmas!

Twas the night before Smissmas and all through the RED Base everyone was stirring, even the Scout. The base had been decorated everywhere, even having a huge tree strung up with lights in the main hall. Everyone was drunk on this new eggnog/bourbon mixture Engie cooked up. Heavy was wearing a Santa hat and laughing loudly as he drank his seventh cup of the night. Medic and Sniper were drunkenly singing Smissmas carols, but they were terribly off-key and messing up the words.

The only person who wasn't drunk was Pyro, and that was because that meant they would have to take their mask off and Pyro wasn't ready for the drama that would bring anyway. Demo was understandably completely wasted as he laughed and cried and yelled throughout the night. By the time it came to swap presents, everyone had thankfully sobered up a little and were able to not laugh or fall over every few seconds. Everyone sat around the large meeting table with gifts in front of them, Engie the only one without a present.

"Okay, everyone ready? I'll call out names and you can open your presents. First up, Heavy and Spy."

Spy carefully unwrapped his box and pulled out a. . .

 _"Merde."_

. . .A roll of microwavable croissant dough with a little French flag taped to it. Spy looked both disgusted and annoyed as everyone burst out laughing at the unintentionally xenophobic gift. Heavy looked confused and a bit annoyed as he grumbled, crossing his arms.

"Why is everyone laughing? Is good gift for little Spy."

After everyone calmed down enough to keep their giggles in check, Heavy opened his box with no such care as Spy has his and ripped the top off. He looked in the box and his eyes went wide as he pulled out a bottle of vodka. But not just any vodka. It was vodka from his homeland in Khabarovsk, Russia. Everyone watched as Heavy opened the bottle and took a drink. Then he put the bottle down and stood up, walked over to Spy and pulled him into a rib-crushing embrace. He spoke in a soft whisper that made it clear he was trying not to cry.

"Is good gift."

And without another word, he dropped Spy back down into his chair and went back over to his own seat to continue to drink the lovely vodka.

More people opened their gifts, mixed reactions among each other and finally it was down to Pyro and Scout and Sniper and Demo. Demo opened his gift and got a bottle of some type of Australian rum. He smiled, knowing well he would be downing this as soon as the festivities were over. Sniper opened his gift and his face split into a smile as he held the knife in his hand, turning it to admire the beautiful craftsmanship of the weapon. Sniper looked up from the knife towards Demo, who looked at him expectedly.

"Well? Whaddya think?"

"Now this. . .is a knife!"

Sniper let out a laugh and patted his friend on the shoulder, very much in love with this new weapon of his. Then next came Pyro and Scout. The young Boston was happy as hell to get a baseball signed by Tom Jones, although no one tried to explain to him that Tom Jones' name was spelled incorrectly as "Tam Johns" and it was obviously a fake. Pyro was given a baby blue lighter with a picture of a unicorn on it, Pyro smiled and mumbled out a thank you.

After everyone was done handing out gifts, they went to their own rooms all tired and drunk to sleep off the night's fun and hopefully not wake up with a hangover the following morning. Demo elected to go right to Pyro's room as the two rarely ever slept in their own rooms now, despite their "relationship" only being fake. Demo entered the bedroom to find Pyro sitting on their bed. They were unmasked, wearing only a tank top and boxer shorts as they flicked the lighter on and off again and again. Demo sat down next to them, his bottle of Aussie rum in his hand. Pyro watched him as he drank a bit of it and smiled.

"How's the rum?"

"Ya think a bunch of kangaroo-loving meatheads wouldn't know a thing about good rum, but you'd be wrong. It's bloody wonderful!"

Demo lay down and stared up at the ceiling, Pyro joining him a second later. They suddenly touched hands and without either realizing it, they locked fingers and small smiles appeared on their faces.

"Merry Smissmas, Pyro."

"Merry Smissmas, Tavish."


	10. Truth Will Set You Free (Final Chapter)

Smissmas and New Year's Day passed within the blink of an eye and now it was nearly getting close to summer as the weather became warmer and the sweaters came off and on came the shorts. And then something bad happened as Demo and Pyro's "relationship" hit a snag. Their teammates were getting suspicious as the "couple" never showed a whole lotta affection to each other unless they were alone. And even a dimwit like Soldier was beginning to sense something just wasn't right. Both Pyro and Demo knew it was only a matter of time before this whole ruse blew up in their face.

Too bad the explosion came sooner than either wanted.

 _ **X X X**_

Demo was playing cards with Sniper since Smissmas two men had developed a good friendship over their love of weapons and beer. Even with one eye, Demo was an ace at card games. Sniper didn't know this little fact unfortunately as he watched as the Aussie gave a triumph smile and slammed down his cards.

"You can't beat that, mate. No way, no how!"

Demo gave his own victory grin and calmly set down his card and the smile on Sniper's face fell as he glanced down at his drunken friend's hand to have his eyes meet a whole row of winning cards.

"Piss."

"Eat it, ya camper! I won!"

Demo's celebratory gloating was interrupted by the presence of Pyro. Demo could tell by their body language that something was wrong. He got up immediately, leaving Sniper dumbfounded as he disappeared down the hall with his fire-loving lover. Sniper watched down the hallway, before calling out to the empty air.

"This mean I win?"

 _ **X X X**_

Pyro ripped off their mask in a hurry as soon they stepped foot into Demo's bedroom. They whirled around to face Demo, eyes wide and red-faced.

"Tavish, we got a problem."

"Aye, lass? What kind of problem?"

Pyro didn't answer right away, instead flopping down onto his bed and stared up at the ceiling. Demo sat next to them, placing his hand on theirs. Pyro's eyes darted from the ceiling to Demo and back again.

"Pyro. . .what's goin' on?"

"Tavish, I. . .I love you."

Demo's eye went wide and his mouth closed, fearing his words would betray his thoughts. Even though it had been months ago and he had been stone-dead wasted, he remembers clearly that Pyro told him that they were in love with him. Demo ignored this confession though, thinking it was only the alcohol talking. But it wasn't the alcohol flowing through Pyro this time. It was something stronger than any beer.

An intoxication called _**love.**_

"And why would that be a problem, lad?"

"Because our whole _relationship_ is a lie. But my feelings aren't. I kept feeling this way since Smissmas, hell even before it, and I just ignored them, thinking you wouldn't feel the same. I-"

Pyro's next words were interrupted by a sharp knocking on Demo's door, startling the pair. Heart beating a million miles an hour, Demo got from the bed as Pyro slipped on their mask once more. Demo pulled the door open and saw Engineer standing there.

And when he saw more people behind the Dell. The Soldier, Heavy, and Medic all looking at him with stern faces, Demo knew immediately something was wrong. Very, very wrong.

 _ **X X X**_

Demo looked out at his friends surrounding his room with a confused expression.

"Aye, lads. This isn't the best time, whaddya need?"

Medic spoke up, "We need to know vhat's going on, Demoman."

"I don't know what you are talkin' about."

Engie put his hand on Demo's shoulder and look deadly serious, "Don't you act stupid, boy. And don't treat us like we are."

Demo's face fell as he knew the jig was up. He let out a sigh as he turned to where Pyro was, motioning for them to come over. They quickly got up from the bed and stood by Demo's side. Engie's gaze turned to Pyro and nodded at them.

"Pyro, Demo. We know you've been lying to us. Now ya'll better start talking 'fore this gets any worse."

"Dell-"

"Don't even _**try**_ to lie. We're done with games."

"Dell, we're sorry. Okay, we woulda never lie to ya if it wasn't important."

"Now what in the hell is so important it requires lying and sneaking around like a damned little kid?"

"I can't tell you. I'm sorry."

The anger faded from the Texan's face and a look of defeat washed over his features as he sighed, "Tavish, we're your friends. You can talk to us."

Demo nodded and stared down at his feet, "I know, but this isn't even my secret. So I can't tell you even if I wanted to."

"Pyro? What do they got to hide except. . ."

Engie suddenly put two and two together and slowly glanced over to Pyro, who was busy running their gloved hands over their mask's mouthpiece. Engie gaze switched between Pyro and Demo's face.

"You saw their face, didn't ya? The _**real**_ Pyro?"

Demo nodded but said nothing.

"And they didn't want us to find out their real identity. And so you both cooked up this whole. . .fuckin' mess to hide your tracks?"

Pyro and Demo nodded in unison and Engie ran his hand over his face and then let it fall to his side as he shook his head, disbelief written all over his face.

"Well, if that what ya'll wanna do. Go ahead. Keep your secrets, lie to us. But just know we would've accepted Pyro, no matter what ya look like."

Engie then turned and left without another word, everyone else filing behind him and soon everyone was gone, leaving Pyro and Demo alone with the hall. Demo turned around to go back into his room but looked back one more time where Engineer stood just seconds ago. He looked away and caught Pyro's staring as they took off their mask.

"Pyro. . ."

"Tavish?"

"What the hell did we do?"

Pyro remained quiet. They didn't have an answer and Demo knew that. He knew the truth though. They lied to their friends, snuck around like a filthy Blu Spy, and all for what? So Pyro could keep their face hidden away? Even knowing that one day they'd have to face the reality of their friends seeing them. The _**real**_ Pyro as Engie said.

Demo shut his door a little too hard and sunk into the chair at his desk. Pyro stood by him, their blue eyes were teary and it was clear this whole fiasco had taken a toll of the pyromaniac. Demo grabbed one of his many scrumpy bottles off of his desk and took a long and deep drink. He set it back down, wiping his mouth before looking up at Pyro who stared right back into his eyes. Neither said anything for a little while, nothing really could be said to fix this whole mess and they both knew it. A few tedious minutes ticked by before Demo let out a long exhale through his nose and spoke up.

"Did you mean it?"

Pyro was taken aback slightly by Demo's sudden questioning after nearly ten minutes of silence and took a moment to answer. "Mean what?"

"Did ya mean it when ya said that you loved me?"

A blush crept onto Pyro's cheeks as they nodded, "Yes."

Demo stood up and cupped the Pyro's face in his hands, causing their face to turn from a light pink to a dark red. Demo looked into their eyes and Pyro found themselves struggling to look back.

"I love you too. This isn't no beer talking. I really. . .really love ya, lass."

And then with no alcohol, at least not _**a lot**_ of alcohol, clouding his thoughts. Demo pulled Pyro into a gentle kiss. Pyro relaxed and nearly melted into the Scottish man as they wrapped their arms under Demo's ribcage and pulled him closer like they were trying to make their two bodies into one. Demo broke the kiss and looked into Pyro's eyes.

"You know what you gotta do, don't you?"

Pyro's heart sunk and they nodded. Leaving their mask on Demo's desk, they walked with Demo to the main hall where everyone had gathered. Demo was able to get everyone there surprising easy, he just told them there would be no more secrets from Pyro or himself if they all met there.

The two mercs made it to the entrance to the main hall and Pyro stopped outside the door, heart pounding like a drum and turned to Demo, fear, and worry in their eyes.

"Tavish, I can't do this. What if they call me names? Kick me out of the team cause of what I am?"

"They won't do that. You heard 'em, they are our friends."

"But-"

Before Pyro could go even further into their worry-filled rant, Demo decided to silence Pyro's worry by grabbing them and kissing them hard. Pyro looked slightly dazed but gave their lover a sheepish smile.

"You can do this, Py. I believe in ya."

Pyro nodded, a new determination in on their face. They took a deep breath, grabbing the handle of the door. Pyro would have Demo's support no matter what.

And with that thought, they pulled the door open and stepped inside, ready for whatever came next.


End file.
